So on Friday, I got up early and pulled myself and the baby together to get out the door early for his flu shot. We had to wait for 45 MINUTES to get the flu shot. This meant that I was 45 minutes late to swim class, which means I only got in about 2000 meters. I feel like a slacker if I get in less than 3000. It is just part of my guilt ridden athlete personality. Anyway, the workout is as follows:
- 300 swim/ 200 pull
- 5 x 100 swim @ 1:45
- 5 x 200 swim @ 4:00
I had to get out the pool at the end of class, because I had planned what I thought would be an in and out trip to Opry Mills. I wanted to run in and go the the Strasburg outlet and then go to Forever XXI. Now, Opry Mills is a terrible place and not convenient to anything. Parking is atrocious and the mall is huge, I mean HUGE. It is a behemoth of a shopping experience. Anyway, when we got there I bought Ivan some candy, gummy worms and such, to keep him occupied while he sat in the stroller and I shopped. It was a ridiculous fantasy on my part to think that Ivan would stay contentedly seated just because I plied him with gummy worms. I rue the day I thought that the gummy worms were a good idea. Within moments of arriving at the mall to meet my friend Robin and her two children, Ivan was throwing gummy worms and crying. He also figured out very quickly how to get out of the stroller and was off and running. Our Strasburg trip was a bust, as Ivan was covered in gummy worm residue and making a mad dash for the doors at all times. We also had a miserable experience in the Carter's Kids store and the Heart Strings store. At the Carter's Kids store, Ivan went coat hanger crazy and battled fiercely and determinedly to get his hands on as many hangers as possible. These he held tightly in his king fu grip, looking at me with serious concern as I tried to pry his fingers first off one coat hanger and then the next, until he vaulted out of my arms clutching his remaining coat hangers making a mad dash for the doors; as if coat hangers were the equivalent of a leprechaun's pot of gold.
After this disaster, we felt like it was time for lunch. Now, no restaurants at Opry Mills allow strollers. So, you have to leave your stroller outside. My friend, Robin, had her youngest child sound asleep in the stroller, so there was no way to eat in a restaurant. The advantage of eating in a restaurant was that they had high-chairs where I could lock down Ivan. We had to eat at the food court.
The food court was a horrible experience. In the end, it involved me physically pushing a seemingly innocent woman out of the way as I chased down Ivan. Ivan ate two bites of food and I put some things in my mouth at some point, but I don't remember what it tasted like or what it was, as I shoved it in my mouth, and then ran after Ivan who was sprinting at warp speed towards the old Opryland carousel. Why will Ivan love a carousel?
Finally, I made it to Forever XXI, where I attempted to try on 7 things. After trying on two things, and it is partially my fault for not wearing underwear, Ivan army crawled out of the dressing room (Why does ANY dressing room not have doors and walls that come all the way to the floor?!??!!). I had no choice but to sprint from the dressing room wearing nothing at all to grab Ivan. In one day, I engaged in physical assault on an innocent bystander to get hold of my child and then exposed myself in a public place. I ended with one gummy worm stuck to my collar bone and another gummy worm stuck to the shirt I was trying on. I did buy a mini dress, a tunic and two pairs of leggings. The quality of Forever XXI is surprising, my child's behavior there was devastating. I dragged myself through the mall to the exit with a broken spirit. It was fitting that I had to trudge through a deluge of rain to my car. Ivan sobbed the whole way there and I had a reserve lollipop to placate him as I forced him into the car seat. He rubbed the lollipop all over his face and fell asleep finally with it lodged in his hair. I frantically texted my husband to bring home a stiff drink and vowed that there would be no repeat performances of the Opry Mills fiasco.
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