Saturday: Alcatraz - My Ego Took a Hit

Golden Gate Bridge Behind Me

The taller of the two people in green swim caps behind me had swum Alcatraz 211 times!!!!

Ivan and I have been in San Francisco since last Tuesday, away from my computer so no blogging.  I have a borrowed powerbook tonight however, and I am on it.  I'm glad I have the tools tonight, because my ego has taken a massive lump.

A couple of weeks ago, I signed up to swim Alcatraz.  I haven't really mentioned it; really just because I didn't want to frighten my parents. I group Alcatraz into the same group of things (for instance, free basing cocaine, cliff diving, base jumping) that I wouldn't tell them, as there is no need to send anyone into a tail spin of worry.  Having a child of my own, I realize that there are things that can send parents downward spiraling into the drain of worry.

Anyway, I signed up; it was super safe.  There was a boat to take us out to Alcatraz, and three kayakers to follow each group of three people.  I felt good about the whole thing.  I was a little worried about the cold, but I rented a great wetsuit from Endurance.  Honestly, the cold was really my only concern, and this morning when my sister-in-law toted me down to the pier, I was none too nervous.  I ran a bit late, as is my habit, and just felt great.  I read the map wrong and tried to join in with two other groups waiting on the pier, both of which told me they were canceling their swims due to the treacherous conditions.  This did not much phase me.  Anyway, when I finally found my swim group (swim art), we were still on.  Based on my swim times, I was slated to be first off the boat, but I traded positions with Dan, because he had swum from Alcatraz once before.  

The boat ride out to Alcatraz took about ten minutes and everyone chatted and zipped up wetsuits and took pictures.  There was one guy who had swim Alcatraz 211 times since 2007.  Can you believe it??  When the time came to jump off the boat, Leslie, our guide, warned us that the conditions were at a 9.5 on a scale of one to ten for treacherousness.  The boat was pitching so hard that we were all holding the ladder, and I really barely made it up the ladder to jump into the ocean.  

Hitting the water was not really that bad.  I thought I would be chilled to the bone and so shocked by the cold that I would be paralyzed, but this wasn't the case.  I started swimming easily and was surprised at how nice the wetsuit really felt.  Leslie, the guide had talked me out of wearing a neoprene swim bonnet, and she was right.  As the waves really started crashing, however, I started hyper-ventilating.  I couldn't breathe when I put my head under water, I panicked and breast stroked and really just fell apart.  The water was rough, but I can really say that more than anything, I choked.  After swimming a mile, I had to admit defeat and get back in the boat and huddle in the hull with the spectators.  

The swim guide came down and told me and the other swimmers that had gotten out of the water that we could jump back off the boat at the safe buoys and swim to the beach, so that no one would know we had not finished the course.  One woman did jump back in, but I was pretty down about the whole thing.  It seemed absolutely disingenuous to jump back in the water at the safe buoys to swim to the beach, so I refused.  When the boat docked, I had to do a walk of shame all the way down Fisherman's Wharf amongst the tourists wearing my bathing suit and my clog shoes, dragging my wet suit behind me.  

I may honestly never get over the mortification of having to show up at the beach where the other swimmers finished, dragging my wetsuit.  Today, I felt like I was unprepared for my element, though I swim all the time and open water usually once a week.  Also, I felt like I did not respect my element.  I was warned of the conditions, but was determined to continue.  A friend texted me today that it was always better to get out, than drown.  This is true, and I probably should have realized before.  I should have contented myself with a few swims in the beach area, before attempting something like Alcatraz and I had to learn the hard way.  Which seems to be the only way I learn, incidentally.  

 After I got out of the water today, I decided I would never swim in the ocean again.  Tonight, I am thinking that the next time I am in San Francisco, I am going to swim in the safe beach area.  I did not mind the cold water.  I have not ruled out Alcatraz forever, just for now.  My throat is still hoarse and stinging from the salt water.

I am also now officially concerned about my Big Shoulders swim in September, however. Caution is the name of my game from here on out.  If I get there, and the water is gnarly, I might save it for another time.  Better safe than drown!!