Dear Anderson Cooper,
I think you are just great. You are knowledgeable and well educated. I love the story about how you went gray inadvertently early by starving yourself to make the crew team at Yale. I thoroughly enjoyed your involvement in Channel 1 when I was in high school. During your coverage of the crisis in Sarajevo, Bosnia, though you were young and inexperienced, you bravely slept on the floor of your hotel room so the stray bullets would not cause
you to have to take a sick day.
The way you emotionally covered hurricane Katrina was great television, and none of us will ever forget your crying in your yellow raincoat when you talked to Senator Landrieu about the atrocities you were seeing. The interview you did with Angelina Jolie focused primarily on her humanitarian work and the motivation behind her adoption stories. I know that CNN had a gun to your head to get you to ask about Brad Pitt's presence in the delivery room at the birth of Shiloh. In your heart, you wanted to maintain your journalistic integrity.
Also, you are the guest host that makes Regis and Kelly worth watching. You are so good with Kelly, you let her finish her sentences and behave as if you really care about her kids. My favorite moment is your tirade about the Lohans: Lindsey, Dina, and Allie. It was great, Anderson, and should be watched by all.
In short, Anderson, I care about you and am worried about your parentage, specifically that of your mother. I know she is your only living parent and that there have been some difficult times in your family, BUT I find her troubling. She is uncomfortably open about her sex life and she is in her eighties. It is super shameful. (please see for your self:
http://www.nypost.com/seven/04062009/news/columnists/graphic_novel_by_gloria_163148.htm Honestly, her accounts of oral sex turn my stomach. This is all the more painful for me when you understand, Anderson, that for many years, I was her biggest fan. I have seen "Little Gloria, Happy at Last", the made for TV movie so many times. Twice in one day most recently when I was breastfeeding. It gets me every time, when her mother (your grandmother) sends away the beloved Dodo. Also, the jeans, THE JEANS, Anderson. In second grade, if I had had a pair of those jeans to wear with velcro Roos, I WOULD BE A DIFFERENT WOMAN TODAY. Also, she looks just amazing for 85. Did you see the second picture from the top, GV is the one without white hair. STUNNING!!!!
I have been very concerned by your mother's latest shenanigans. I know that she has had one night stands with Frank Sinatra and told you all about them, as well as other terrible things that I can't even mention. Her novel is just terrible, yet sort of tempting, yet so embarrassing.
So Anderson, I need to ask you to have your mom tone it down. I don't think she will, so my counteroffer is that I will adopt you. I have loads of common sense, a natural discretion about my sex life, and a spare bedroom. I can give great advice, and while I am 10 years younger than you are, It couldn't possibly make the parenting any weirder than what you are dealing with now.
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